19 Things To Look For In A Partner That Have Nothing To Do With Sex Or Appearance

Thought Catalog


1. A strong sense of character. They are steady and certain in the knowledge of who they are. They’re always willing to learn and to grow and to improve. But they will not compromise their values, their beliefs, or their integrity.

2. Chemistry. In the bedroom, it’s great. But it’s just as amazing to feel a strong pull to them when you’re taking a walk through the city or you’re just sitting at dinner together, having an everyday conversation and not wanting to be anywhere else in the world.

3. A strong desire to listen to each other. Not just out of obligation, but because you believe you have a lot to learn from one another.

4. A sense of humor. They don’t necessarily have to be hilarious, just capable of laughing at themselves and appreciating lighthearted moments with you.

5. Someone who’s complete on their own, who wants you…

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uh oh

I’m starting to get bad again. I don’t know how to stop these thought in my head.
I’m scared, I’m terrified that I might start self-harming/restrain my intake again.
I just feel so out of control. I don’t know what to do.
I need to feel that control again.
I think I’m losing my mind.

I’ve dug myself in a huge hole.

This post is like 9 months old, just a heads up, whoops!!

You ever have everything going for you and think to yourself ‘wow life’s pretty amazing right now.’ Yea, that was me yesterday afternoon, then everything changed in the blink of an eye.

What happened you ask? Well everything started when I got on the E train. Some random really scary, and by scary i mean ‘extremely intimidating,’ guy started walking towards me while the train was moving, and decided to stand directly behind me. And when I say ‘directly,’ I literally mean DIRECTLY BEHIND ME. Im not even exaggerating, I wish I was, but it was probably one of the scariest things ever. I don’t function properly when crap like that happens; I couldn’t make myself move, I couldn’t make myself tell him to back the fuck up, I couldn’t do ANYTHING. Two stops later, this dude gets off the train and I let out a huge sigh. I hadn’t realized i was holding my breath. Being the smart big girl that I am, I checked my backpack to see if he tried to steal anything, which to my luck he didn’t. After that, I finally found a seat big enough for me to comfortably sit in (I hate when there is the smallest space between two people, and it’s the only spot available, so I always choose not to sit there, and I CANNOT STAND those annoying ass people who actually TRY to sit there because all they end up doing is sitting on my lap, like I’m sorry ma’am I did not ask for a lap dance today so please remove yourself from my person.) I don’t really have a lot of hatred, but those people just rub me the wrong way.
Anyways, after that, I took a small nap (for roughly 4 train stops) and then opened my eyes to a creepy lady staring me down. I had enough on this train, and thank the heavens that my stop was up, I got off and went to walk to the 1. I have to walk the underground street to the 1; I have to walk from 7th street to 8th street, or maybe its the other way around, I’m not sure. So I walk to where I see the uptown sign, and then I turn to go up the stairs. When I didn’t see was that the stairs were a bit wet, and mind you these stairs have metal plates screwed on the top. So picture me wearing my Docs, leggings, oversized mens jeans jacket (Thanks dad!) with my huge backpack on my back, my headphones in my ears, and hands in my pockets. Got a visual? Now picture that slipping on the wet spot and falling straight onto the stairs. My hands were in my pockets so I couldn’t brace myself, and I end up looking like I’m trying to plank on the stairs. Thank God the area wasn’t packed with people, cause then I probably would have cried right on the spot from embarrassment. There was one guy on the opposite side of the railings who looked at me, didn’t attempt to help, who had a glazed donut in his hands (and face), who asked me if I was alright. I was annoyed so obviously my response was going to be sarcastic, I mean come on, its me we’re talking about. I looked up at him and said ‘Yea, Im peachy, I always fall face first into the stairs when Im going on the 1, thanks for the immense amount of concern dude,’ then sashayed away. No Im joking, I didn’t sashay away, I stomped up the stairs, dusted myself off, and waited for my train. I got on the packed train, waited for a seat to open up because my knees were killing me, sat down, then relaxed. Thinking back, it probably looked like I was felling myself u, but I was just checking for sores. I found my knees, breasts, chin, and left hand sore. Not too bad, but still, I slumped into the seat. Then, when the seat next to me opened up, an extremely cute guy sat next to me. I was happy, he smelled nice (Yumm!). After that, the rest of my train ride, and bus ride back to campus was smooth and easy.

10 Struggles Of Being Not Fat, But Not Skinny Either

Thought Catalog

Okay, so I want to start this post off by clarifying that I don’t think I’m fat. However, I know I’m not stick thin. And that’s fine. No I’m not looking for comments from people being like, “OMG Sam you look GREAT” or “Girlll you have been looking so thin lately, stop it!” because in all seriousness, I am not Beyonce. I am Sam. And I am really busy so I can’t go to the gym every day like I used to. And I like french fries. And alcohol. But I have a nice looking face, I work out at least three times a week, I drink green smoothies (it’s like, they’re not that healthy, but they look like they are… so whatever), and I’m not obese so I REALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

1. Analyzing the “You look so thin!” comment on a picture.

Wait, do I actually…

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I hate that word, relapse. But I can’t find another word that would suffice.
Last month, I was on a high. I felt so happy, for about 3 weeks straight, I was walking with a hop in my step. I would wonder out loud about why I was on such a high. Nothing could break my bubble. Getting a 70 on my test didn’t even bring me down.
Then, around the beginning of last week, I started to feel weird.
I started to feel really down. I felt like the whole world was shrinking. I felt like I honestly couldn’t move, I felt stuck. I felt like a claustrophobic person stuck in a casket (that was kind of extreme, but you get the point).
And im still stuck in that position. Its been three weeks since this feeling started, and I cant seem to shake it.
Im a self-harmer, if thats even a word. I use to use a sewing razor to slice my wrists. I would feel so full of different emotions and I would bottle them up. I saw the people around me struggling with their own problems, so I thought that if I were to talk about my problems, it would burden them with more things to worry about. So, to let everything out, I would harm myself. I haven’t felt the way I use to in a while. But the past week or so, I’ve felt like I was falling back into my 9th-grade self. And that scares me. 
This icky feeling is stuck on me. Im stuck. And I’m afraid.

Encouragement? Please?

Encouragement goes a long long way. It can save someones life.

I live with someone who does not encourage me. She discourages me. And it hasn’t been just one instance where she discourages me, its been multiple instances. For example, this time of the month is lent, and I chose to give up meat. I’ve done it before, I’ve been on a strict pescatarian diet before, for a full year. And I enjoyed it, I ate less junk food and gave up meat, and I was healthy. But that obviously didn’t last long, with me being a Bangali-American and all, fried foods are everywhere. Its just, I like to have encouraging people around me. I think everyone does! It helps us get through the rough times in our lives.

Im the type of person that needs positivity in my living space. Ive been at the lowest of lows in my life. I had a great support system. I have an amazing family, and I had amazing friends at the time that loved me. I’m afraid that living with my friend who is so negative at times, can bring me back to that point. And that scares me. My friend and I have been there for each other at horrible times. I was there for her for everything. And she’s been there for me when I’ve had my moments. Im conflicted.

I don’t want to hurt her by asking to live by myself. I don’t want to hurt our friendship either, and I feel that if we continue to live together, i will eventually start resenting her for making me be so down on myself.

I cannot get to how I was before, I cannot let someone bring me down. I need to surround myself with people who truly love me and support everything I do, even if it doesn’t seem realistic at the moment!

I am also the type of person to take everything thats thrown at me, good and bad. I have a tendency to not put my foot down; look at where its got me. Im miserable. I would rather me suffer than other suffer, just because I don’t like seeing others suffer. Im selfless. But I think its time for me to be selfish for once.

I need to seriously reevaluate my life.

You would think

With me entering my third semester of college, you would think that I’d gained some knowledge. You would think that I’d ‘broadened my mind’ (any Harry Potter fans out there? No? Okay.) I still haven’t found the best way to retain material in my head. People have this facade, this dream in their minds, of what college is. I remember what I thought the college experience was; laid back classes, easy-going professors, parties every other day, Greek life, and tons of hot, tall, toned guys. Reality Check! College is not what It is made up to be in the movies, or my mind.

College is hard; professors aren’t all laid back, professors don’t care if you have 20 million things like presentations and test and essay due on March 4th, their assignments and projects are all that they care about, and then getting a handful of homework thrown at you from every direction, professors DO NOT CARE. Not to mention DRAMA; friends not getting along, boyfriend/girlfriend drama, gossip going around campus about you. Basically, if you go to a small college where everyone kind of knows each other, its easy for your dirty laundry to get out. ALSO, another totally fun thing to do, going to your 8:30 AM class after a night of partying. Whoever told me to take an 8:30 AM class is an asshole, because it sucks. Something that came to be this past year or so was ‘Thirsty Thursday.’ An amazing night with your closest friends, drinking, dancing, being stupid, all on a Thursday night. Having to go to class the very next morning, at 8:30, is the worst, because thats the last thing you probably wanna do.

Another thing about college, not all campuses have Greek life. My campus does not have Greek life. Sometimes I wish we kind of did have Greek life, just for the parties, and cute guys. But then I think of how much money my parents are paying out of pocket for me to go to this college, and I’m glad we don’t have Greek life. Because I know for a fact that if we did have Greek life, I would have flunked out already. Don’t get me wrong, Greek life has its benefits like sisterhood/brotherhood, life long friends, connections to jobs and internships, and a ton of other stuff. I just feel like I’d get too caught up in the partying, and I’d never get that ‘higher education’ bull.

The benefits and good things you get out of college: a higher education, a better opportunity to get a well paying job, learning which way is the best way for you to study (my Psych professor told my class once that college is just a huge learning experience for us, which I am learning is true), life long friends, learning/finding who you really are. I have to say that in the time I’ve spent away from home has changed me. Maybe for better, maybe for worse, maybe people think I’ve dramatically changed, maybe I’ve become a crabbier version of my old-self, maybe I’ve learned to love easier, maybe.

I truly think that you learn who you really are in the first four years of college. I certainly have learned to be more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve learned that not everyone came from a moderately privileged/normal home. I’ve learned to not take everything to heart, because I’m only hurting myself if I hold onto things that hurt me. I’ve learned to brush things off my shoulder. I’ve learned to accept things as they are, sometimes. I’ve learned to not judge people from their appearance. I’m not gonna lie, because who am I really lying to (besides myself), I do judge people, occasionally. But don’t we all? We’re all flawed in that sense I guess. We’re only human.

I’m Human.